It is really that simple!

We are what we think……period.

Living life blind and numb

I feel like I have only recently woke up.
It was like I went through my life blind and numb.
I look back and see I lived with out being fully present at times. I went through the action of movement.  It was as if I were on autopilot.  Going through the day with no real control.With out any thought of being. With out knowledge of who I am. Or who I wanted to be. What is my purpose ? I was like a robot. As in do what you are programed to do.

I am thankful that I do not have the life of a person treated as inferior. I am the one to make all choices and decisions, in my life. I feel the impact, as not all choices were the right ones. But I am grateful to have this right.

I had a lack of feeling things with passion and not realizing every aspect at the time.
The reason I say I did not feel then, is now I have felt passion. I know what joy feels like. It is found in so many things. To really open your eyes and look at the sky, to see the brilliant colors of red and purple sunsets. To feel them. To feel and Sense kindness. To feel and see passion in words. In a smile. To know there is more to life than depression.

I am a survivor

I am a survivor, that is what I tell my self today. This is part of reprogramming. I have been on a path much like brain washing. I repeat to my self. I am happy. I am going to make this day a good one.
I make myself, every day. Read, write, create images.
I need to learn something new every day to make my day go by, with out self pity. With out thoughts of. I want out of this life! I have had enough! My heart is hard. My love is gone, Where is the passion I had for nature.  Why do I not care what happens any more? I am in limbo.
Why do I have the fear to  ? etc

In the past I relived tragedy and trauma over and over. My live was T& T. I became T&T. I said things like I have a cloud hanging over my head. With lightning bolts hitting me in the but. I hear from my spouse.  If it were not for bad luck I would not have any luck.

I had a discussion with my youngest daughter a few weeks ago. In were we discussed her situation. I made her tell me the main reason for all the trouble she is in.  We made a list.
1. Drug & alcahol
2. Conning people. She was coned and she did the same to others.
3. Brains. thought. Making a choice.

Choice should have been # 1 because she chose to be a part of all that has happened.

We all have the power to change our life.
No one ever told me. Or I was to stupid to figure it out in the past. Because. I was too busy trying to survive obstacles. And making them part of my life. That I could chose to change.
Changing your thoughts, changes your life.